A Fallen Friend - A Heart Like His

The splendor of Israel lies slain on your heights.  How the mighty have fallen (2 Samuel 1:19)

What has GOD shown you during seasons of grief?  What have you learned about Him, about yourself, and about your own expectations of what life really means?

When my father died earlier this year it was very difficult.  His death opened wide the chasm between my siblings and I.  I looked upon my father as the glue that held this fragile family together and I saw his death as the final fracture of what remained of our family.

I was blindsided by my overwhelming emotions and bewildered by the whirling confusion of grief.  At times I could scarcely breathe with the force of it.  

Knowing the Lord and knowing His comfort did not take away the ache; but it helped to know that God was there for me. I am never alone.  He comforts me with his presence, and helps me find peace in my pain.   

How has grief changed your relationship with Him?

God is at our side during our loss, often not speaking yet knowing our pain and sharing in our suffering. He knows the pain of having a child despised and rejected, and killed.

Jesus is our best role model for combining faith and grief, as revealed in John 11:1-45. When He saw Mary and Martha in anguish over the death of their brother Lazarus, He wept and groaned. Although Jesus knew He was about to raise Lazarus from the dead, He still allowed Himself to feel – and express – the depths of human sorrow.

We can take comfort in knowing that Jesus has experienced all of our pain, including loss, rejection, betrayal, and dying. As our Savior and Redeemer, He took all our sins to the cross and forgives us when we ask. As our Good Shepherd, He leads us safely through “the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4b). Remember, a shadow indicates that there is a light on the other side!

A Debt Of Gratitude - A Heart Like His

When the residents of Jabesh-gilead heard what the Philistines had done to Saul, all their brae men set out, journeyed all night, and retrieved the boy of Saul and the bodies of his sons from the wall of Beth-shan (1 Samuel 31: 11-12)

Think of some of the specific kindnesses sown you and the sacrifices made by the people in your life.  How could you express your thanks to them over the next few days? 

GOD has put many people in my life who have helped me in large and small ways.  Looking back I may not have acknowledge the sacrifices they made for me. It’s important to give credit to other people for our successes. In the next few days I will call those who have been there for me by calling them just to say thank you and letting them know that I appreciate the things they did for me. 

What barriers or distractions need to come down in your life so that you can easily keep your responses of gratitude flowing?

I suppose my biggest barrier is the fact that like many people I tend to dwell on the negative.  This negative bias tends to set my focus on the problems, irritations, and injustices in my life rather than focusing on being grateful for the events or people in our lives that are working and we feel good about.

Sometimes the difficult times in your life can blind you to the things for which you should be grateful.  It is important to be grateful to everyone. I need to be grateful to those who have helped, to those who have hindered as well as to those who have been indifferent. Be grateful to all, because these individuals helped shape the person I have become.  

Alone With GOD – A Heart Like His

David was in a difficult position because the troops talked about stoning him, for they were all very bitter over the loss of their sons and daughters.  But David found strength in the Lord his GOD (1 Samuel 30:6) 

GOD often transforms painful times in precious times when we realize we are all alone with Him.  How have those seasons of life forged a bond between you and the Lord?

 GOD never intended for the trials that I have faced to destroy me. He uses these challenges to bring me closer to Him, not farther away. I am trying to learn to be anxious for nothing and take my troubles to Him in prayer.  I am learning to have absolute confidence that He Is THE Answer.  He will use this as an opportunity to strengthen and mature me in my faith.  When I place my faith in him, He will give me His Peace that surpasses all understanding!

What are one or two encouraging thoughts you could share with someone who’s going through a valley right now?

God has not forgotten you.  He promises that He will never desert you, nor forsake you.   

I know that you may be thinking, "I don't know how I could ever get through this." or you may be battling powerful feelings of despair, suffering, confusion, fear, worry, and even anger.  

Remember that as difficult as this life storm may be, GOD cares very deeply about you, and is attentive to every detail of your life—even those things that burden your heart. He hears your cries and sees your pain.

In the midst of sadness and uncertainty, His hand is there to guide you; His strength is there to support you. You are never out of His reach.

Sin Magnets – A Heart Like His

 Saul disguised himself by putting on different clothes and set out with two of his men.  They came to the woman at night, and Saul said, “Consult a spirit for me.  Bring up for me the one I tell you” (1 Samuel 28:8) 

What are the general moods or circumstances or times of day when you find yourself most susceptible to familiar temptations?   

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. (1 John 1:8)   All have sinned, and come short of the glory of God and I certainly count myself in that number.

I always found myself susceptible to temptation when I felt most alone and defeated.  It is at those times I find myself tempted so sin either explicitly or complicity.  I may fail to love or forgive others, or fail to do things I ought to do—and that is sin.

GOD has expectations of his people.  He has made a tremendous investment in our lives and made us well able for whatever challenges and difficulties life may hold for us. 

 

How could you use this information to guard your heart from sin’s most convenient, compelling playgrounds?

When I sin it does not mean I am no longer God's children. My fellowship with God may be broken, but my relationship is not. 

I remind myself that God stands ready to forgive me and I need to turn to Him immediately. God wants to help me to avoid sin in the future.  To do so I have to make a conscience decision to live according to God's standards and values. 

Silence – A Heart Like His

 

He inquired of the LORD, but the LORD did not answer him 1 Samuel 28:6

Has GOD been silent in your life lately?  Is He not appearing to answer your prayers?  What do you think He may be meaning by this?

There is a difference between being convinced that God is not listening and God actually not listening.  God answers the prayer of the believer but sometimes we don't see the results for weeks or even years.  If you are alert to His presence I will find Him all around you.

 GOD is very much there and is always listening and acting on my behalf even when I think that he has turned his back on me. GOD promises that all things will work together for the good of those who love Him.   

What does His silence make you want to do?

When God is silent, we go through a myriad of emotions. We ask questions like, "What am I doing wrong? What do I need to fix in my life? Where are you, God? Do you even care?"

Even though it may be hard to do, I keep holding on to His hand.  Even when I don't understand, I know I WILL find Him and I WILL hear Him again.  He really is there and closer than I could have ever imagined, hoped for, or thought.

A Case Of Overkill – A Heart Like His

 

So Achish trusted David thinking, “Since he has made himself detestable to his people Israel, he will be my servant forever” (1 Samuel 27:12)

Think of a time when the pressure of life really got to you and you did something rash or irrational in response.  What was the fallout from that?

It’s hard to just pick one incident but I will try.  I was so tired of being single and alone that I jumped into a relationship that was not a good one for me or my children.  The relationship was an attempt for me to tread water but instead I felt like I was drowning.  I found the courage to leave despite the difficult circumstances in my life but in the end I felt more like a failure than I did before the relationship.  I still beat myself up over the whole thing but I realize that while the decision to rush into the relationship was not a good one I did come out of it a stronger person. 

How do you handle things when your faith is starting to run thin, when GOD’s face is particularly hard to see and His voice hard to hear?

I try to remember Paul’s command in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to “pray without ceasing.”  Sometimes I must remind myself that GOD is actively involved and engaged in my thoughts and actions even if I don’t always see it in the moment.  Prayer is an essential part of my life with Christ.  I try to make prayer my first response to every fearful situation, every anxious thought, and every undesired task that God commands.

There Too Many Faces Of David's Love - A Heart Like His

 

When David’s servants came to Abigail at Carmel they said to her, “David sent us to bring you to him as a wife” 1 Samuel 25:40

What sins and temptations regularly draw you to places where avoidable trouble becomes predictably inevitable?

Inevitably my prideful insistence that I can control things in my life over which I have no control gets me into trouble.  I have only to look back at my life for examples of times when I insisted my way was the right way even when I knew that the choices I was making went against GOD’s word. 
I know God answers prayer and now I look forward to what he is doing in our lives. I know it is for good.
Where do you usually feel the tension first when your ways and GOD’s ways begin to part? 
I feel tension and panic when GOD’s plan and my plan are divergent.  Sometimes it is difficult to walk by Faith and not by sight.  This is why it is so vital to first present our plans to Him and ask for assurance that God is in favor of our decisions.

Never give up on God. Never allow yourself to be determined solely by what ordinary perception tells you. Rather look with the eyes of Faith and see what God is up to.

A Surly Man And One Smart Woman - A Heart Like His

My lord should pay no attention to this worthless man Nabal, for he lives up to his name:  His name is Nabal, and stupidity is all he knows (1Samuel 25:25)
Abigail sought to defuse a tense situation caused by two men whose anger is spiraling out of control.  When have you found yourself in that kind of peacemaking role?

As I mentioned before, I grew up in a very dysfunctional family.  I was often thrust into the role of family peacemaker in which I was responsible for everyone’s emotional well-being.  At other times I was the scapegoat allowing the family focuses on my behavior rather than give attention to the real issues that need to be resolved.

One of my most vivid recollections from my childhood was my mother and father fighting and my Dad said he was leaving us and not coming back.  I was all of six years old and I begged him to stay.  I wrapped myself around his leg, tears streaming down my face pleading with him not to leave us. 

There was another time when I was about eight years old when my father was beating up my mother and had her backed up against the wall.  I was screaming for my father to stop but he didn’t and my mother fell to the floor while my father continued to beat her.  I pushed my father and wound up catching one of the blows to my head in an attempt to rescue my mother. 

As I grew up it was easy for me to accept blame for all that was wrong around me.  It lead me down man blind paths in which I accepted behavior that I never should have accepted because I felt I didn’t deserve anything better.

When is peacemaking the hardest to do? 

Most of us would prefer to have our conflicts resolved fairly without violence or animosity. We would like our differences settled at the least cost and stress to ourselves, or our families.  Negotiation is good way to try to reach a mutually acceptable agreement.  Sometimes communications break down, differences increase and that’s when conflicts arise.

It’s important to move toward the person we are in conflict with not with fists clenched, but hands and arms opened and exposed.  There will be no peace when we take short cuts and accept a quicker solution where there is a winner and there is a loser.  The idea that there is always a winner and a loser is flawed thinking.  Sometimes a change in approach makes a world of difference. 

Once the fighting has stopped, there is much more work to be done, in order to build lasting peace.  It’s not easy.  When we put our wants before Gods and stop asking Him for guidance things will never be the way God wants them to be, and we’ll never be at peace.

A Chance For Revenge - A Heart Like His

Look at the corner of your robe in my hand, for I cut it off, but I didn't kill you.  Look and recognize that there is no evil or rebellion in me.  I haven't sinned against you even though you are hunting me down to take my life" (1 Samuel 24:11)

How easily does a vengeful spirit creep in on you?  What have been some of the more recent things that have set it off or at least made it feel like a reasonable option? 

It was easier to thirst for vengeance when I was wronged before I was saved.  Now I find myself working to put my beliefs into action.

A recent example happened when I visited my Mother last month.  At the end of my visit my sister Debbie lashed out at me for no apparent reason.  I knew my sister Mary had a hand in it but I didn't know exactly what her role in the whole incident was. 

In the past I might have called my sister Mary to confront her to find out why she was angry only to have any and all words I would have said twisted beyond recognition and repeated back to my sister Debbie.  This would only ramp the argument up to another level.

Instead I prayed on the whole confrontation.  I prayed not for vengeance instead I prayed that my sister find some peace.  Each and every day I prayed for Debbie and my sister Mary rather than fantasize how I would get even with them.

Then without warning a few weeks later when I called my Mom she handed the phone over to my sister Debbie.  Debbie was asking questions about a situation one of my nieces was facing in her classroom and without missing a beat I gave her advice to help her daughter that was

pedagogically sound.

A couple of times she let slip things like "You know crazy parents like Mary" or "This parent is super crazy like Mary".  Oh how easy it would be for me to agree or say thank goodness you see that she's crazy after all that my sister has said and done to my children and I.  Instead I said a silent prayer  and ignored these comments.

Then I started to say to my sister, "Look I don't care how long you stay in that house.  You can stay there for the rest of your life as far as I'm concerned."  That's when she interrupted me.  Out of the blue she apologized to me and began to tell me what Mary had said to her.  I learned she told her that my brother Bill and I were going to push that she sells the house immediately when Mom dies. 

Why would we do that when there is already a will that specifically allows Debbie to remain in the house for a year after Mom's death.  I personally could care less if she stayed there longer if she needs to do that.

Mary told Debbie that Billy and I have ALWAYS been rich and because of that we would demand that Debbie move out immediately.  That in and of itself is hysterical since we all grew up in the same lower middle class household.  I had spent a few years on welfare so I guess I missed those particular rich years that I'd always had.  Debbie bought in to all of this though and was extremely upset. 

By waiting and allowing GOD to handle the situation everything worked out better than it possibly could have otherwise.  You see Mary went on Zillow.com to find out how much similar homes in the area were valued.  She then called Debbie and gave her some figures and then asked her how much she thought we'd get for Dad & Mom's house.  She even sent a Realtor by the house to get his opinion.

Why would you do such a thing unless you thought there was going to be a pay-off soon.  After all Mom is still alive and the home's value depends upon a lot of factors that we can't possibly know now.  She showed herself to my sister who has now reached back out to both my brother and I. 

Why do you think GOD calls us to such a high standard of peacekeeping with one another, even at times when we seem to have grounds not to?

The longer I walk in faith the more I understand the truth in the old saying that revenge is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

It is not unusual for humans to feel the desire for vengeance against those who have wronged us.  It is what we do with them is what matters. Don’t allow the anger, bitterness, and/or unforgiveness to fill our souls.

 

It is important to remember that forgiving does not mean that we let those who hurt us “off the hook.”  When we forgive we may let them off our “hook”, but they are still on God’s “hook!” Remember the Lord says, “Vengeance is mine.” So, let Him do His work. He dispenses justice in His own time.  God knows the heart, mind and motives of our enemies. We don't. God is able to heal, restore, or use the wrong that has been done against you for good.

 

As difficult as it may be we should try to pray for the salvation of the person who wronged us, the thing that they did, and ask God to not only work in their life, but keep them from doing harm against others.

 

It is not possible to be at peace with all people (Romans 12:7). As Christians we feel that we are required to fix every broken relationship and live in harmony with everyone. Unfortunately, some relationships just will not work out. It is OK to leave them behind and go on with others.

 

Count Your Blessings - A Heart Like His

Saul searched for him every day, but GOD did not hand David over to him (1 Samuel 23:14)

What would have to change in us for gratitude to become a more ready response of ours, even in times of adversity and trouble?

Thanks come easy when all is going well. Most people tend to take for granted the good that is already present in their lives so we forget to be grateful.

It's hard to feel grateful when we get blindsided by adversity. We tend to react to with stress, negativity, tension, or anxiety rather than gratitude.  When things don’t go our way, it is important to remember that every difficulty carries within it the seeds of an equal or greater benefit.  God knows what He is doing, even if we don't.

Gratitude shifts our focus from what we lack in our lives to the abundance that is already in our lives.  I think it is interesting to note that research shows that feeling gratitude calms the nervous system, lowers blood pressure, and reduces stress.  How have you seen thanksgiving at work in someone’s life, and what that person taught you about GOD and about yourself?

Sadly for a number of years I surrounded myself with people who were mired in pain, anguish, and helplessness.  It wasn’t because I felt superior in anyway, it was more like water seeking its own level. We were all broken and we sought out other people who were like us hoping to fix ourselves without giving thought to how impossible that was.   

When I began keeping a gratitude journal I found myself taking inventory of all the blessings GOD had bestowed on me.  I began living a happier life once I stopped taking for granted all that was around me.  

The Inhumanity Of Humanity – A Heart Like His

Then the king ordered the guards at his side: “Turn and kill the priests of the LORD, because they too have sided with David. They knew he was fleeing, yet they did not tell me.” (1 Samuel 22:17)

Think of a time when you were stunned by the depravity of humanity.  How did you sort through your feelings about the situation?

Stories of man’s depravity are only a headline away.  A child burned to death with a 6000 degree welding torch.  Twelve people were killed and dozens were injured in a shooting attack during a showing of the Batman movie.  A mother stands trial on charges of killing her seven-week-old daughter by placing her in a microwave oven and letting her burn to death.  A man desperate to avoid paying child support murdered the child and the child’s mother a day before he was scheduled to take a paternity test.

How can you make sense of such heinous crimes?  Any person with an ounce of moral sensitivity is outraged by the injustices of our world.

 God is NOT the author of tragedy or evil or death. It’s true that God did create the potential for evil to enter the world, because that was the only way to create the potential for genuine goodness and love. But it was human beings, through our free will, who brought potential evil into reality.

What have you learned from tragedy?  What’s one of the best explanations you’ve heard for its existence in our world? 

I am always amazed how God can take the very worst circumstance imaginable and turn it into the very best situation possible.   

Do you remember the shooting at the West Nickel Mines School?  Charles Carl Roberts IV took hostages and shot ten girls (aged 6–13), killing five, before committing suicide in the schoolhouse.  On the day of the shooting, a grandfather of one of the murdered Amish girls was heard warning some young relatives not to hate the killer, saying, "We must not think evil of this man.” 

An Amish neighbor comforted the killer’s family hours after the shooting and extended forgiveness to them.  Members of the Amish community visited and comforted the killer’s widow, parents, and parents-in-law. One Amish man held Roberts' sobbing father in his arms, reportedly for as long as an hour, to comfort him. The Amish have also set up a charitable fund for the family of the shooter.

If these people could reach out during their own personal tragedy to the man who committed such a heinous act, then I have much to learn about placing my trust and faith in God so that I can gain God’s peace. 

For Crying Out Loud – A Heart Like His

I cry aloud to the LORD; I plead aloud to the LORD for mercy.  I our out my complaint before Him; I reveal my trouble to Him. (1 Samuel 142:1-2)What level of fear, or rage, or abandonment, or bewilderment are you in right now?

As some of you already know I grew up in the quintessential dysfunctional family.  I have struggled with the challenges of dealing with my own struggles as well as the struggles of my brothers and sisters as we have tried to make it through this journey we call life. 

As a child I was often placed in the role of being my mother’s emotional caretaker at a young age.  I saw myself as a failure because I often fell short in this role. I often felt resentful, inadequate, unlovable, and powerless.  Eventually I was marginalized as a person, demonized, and often placed in the role of the family scapegoat.

With my Father’s death earlier this year I am extremely concerned about my Mother.  She has always been very child-like and dependent and with Dad gone I reach out to her every week with a phone call to find out how she is doing and ask if there is anything I can do for her.

My sister Debbie and her daughters have been living with my parents for years now.   As my parents’ health declined she helped them get to their doctor’s appointments, made sure they got their medicine, etc.  My father entrusted her to carry out his wishes and I respected that and realized that she  was carrying a heavy load.

One would think that this would be a time that we would coalesce as a family.  One MIGHT think that if one was speaking about a “normal family.”  Instead the fractures grow deeper in my family. 

When Darryl offered to take me along on his business trip to Baltimore I was thrilled.  I haven’t been to Baltimore in years and since it was only a two hour drive to my parent’s home from there it would be the perfect opportunity to spend some time with my Mother as well as to see my children and grandchildren. 

When I arrived on Friday, my sister said she was going to take the opportunity to go to the grocery store and that was fine with me.  It would allow me to spend time with Mom while Debbie got a break.  Dan brought the kids over and we spent a couple of hours with her before Debbie got home. 

I didn’t even think it odd that when she got home she plopped down at the table sans groceries and got on the cell phone.  I went to the kitchen to get a drink of water before we left and I overheard her tell the person on the other end, “Yeah, Cathy and her clan are over here now.  Ok. I’ll let you go.  Are you getting ready to go grocery shopping? Oh that’s right I called you.”

Immediately I assumed that the person on the other end of the line was my sister Mary.  Why it was important to report that I was there with my “clan” I didn’t know but I tried to keep with my promise of giving my family issues to God because it’s definitely above my pay grade. 

It was getting late and we headed out for some dinner.  I decided not to give the report to my sister but the Balkanization of the family begins anew.  In this particular dynamic it is Mary and Debbie perpetuate the dysfunctional behavior we grew up with by pitting one child against another.

The next day the plan was to head back over to my Mother’s house with both of my sons, all my grandchildren, and my brother Bill.  Originally we had planned to take my Mom to visit Dad’s grave but since Mom had just had some surgery done on her eye she wouldn’t be able to go to the cemetery. 

My brother Bill and my son Dan had felt that they had been personally snubbed when it came time for my Dad to be interred because Debbie arranged for it to happen at a time when she and all her girls could go but Dan and Bill would be at work.  Both had offered alternatives but Debbie stuck to her original plans and there were some hurt feelings.  I guess I had hoped that there would be some closure if we could all go there and maybe say a prayer or something.  I had even told Debbie about wanting to take Mom there so there was no secret or attempt to prevent her from coming with us.

Since Mom was not able to challenge we changed our plans and decided just to spend some time with her.  I thought that would do her a world of good since the last time I spoke to her she told me how lonely she gets.  I thought it was a good move all the way around.

Debbie once again decided to disappear not too long after we arrived saying she wanted to take a break and go into town and go grocery shopping.  She said she’d be back in two hours and that was fine with me.  I didn’t beg her to stay.  I didn’t make it an issue.  I didn’t take it personally.  I honestly felt she could probably use a break.

Everyone wound up outside sitting and talking while I brushed Mom’s hair and helped her when she required assistance.  I was really having a good time.  We talked about sports.  We talked about politics.  We talked about Texas and about Germany.   No one said anything negative about anyone and I felt the get together went well.  After all why should we only come together when someone dies?  Why can’t we reach out as adults and find a way to heal?

After a couple of hours Debbie called to say she would be gone for another hour.  I told her that was no problem and when she came back two hours later then that I didn’t say anything negative about that.  As far as I knew there was no problem.

Darryl invited my brother out to dinner with our family and he called his family to join us.  You would have thought that there would be nothing left to talk about but we sat in that restaurant for another hour and a half talking the whole time. 

Towards the end of the evening I learned that Bill and his wife hadn’t had a party inviting anyone over because Debbie had a big fight with Bill.  Debbie felt Bill owed one of her daughter’s as well as herself an apology.  Bill claimed he never said what he was accused of saying so he wasn’t about to apologize.  Debbie was also mad because Bill was friends with my son Dan.

This is a whole other crazy story which involves my nephew bragging about the money he was getting for college and how he wasn’t even going.  He took photos of things he bought with my uncle’s money.  I had no clue about this and neither did my son Dan.  My son Mike saw it and told my nephew he shouldn’t be putting that stuff on the internet and how that was basically stealing.  This got my nephew angry who then told the nieces that “my son” was trying to keep them from getting money from my uncle.  He told them that my uncle was going to cut everyone off because “my son” was running his mouth. 

This turned into a free for all which not only had both of my sisters calling my oldest son and cursing him out but calling me all kinds of names and saying hurtful things about me when in actuality none of my sons nor I had any such plan to reveal my nephew’s deception or try to get my nieces college money cut.  It was due to all this craziness I had basically stopped calling my father every week for a few months because he was taking sides and throwing my boys and I under the bus.

It turns out that when my father died my sister Debbie and my sister Mary had decided that they weren’t going to call my son to tell him my father had died.  This was an attempt to “get even” with Dan for something that was not of his making.

Yes it was hurtful to learn this.  Yes it would have been easy to adopt a get-even attitude.  Instead I told my son, “Let’s give this to God because he is much smarter than either one of us.  Neither one of us can make this situation right.  There’s just no way that we can.”

The next morning Darryl and I had breakfast with the boys and my grandkids and I hated to see it end.  We stopped off at the cemetery and stopped at my Father’s grave as well as my brother’s grave and the graves of my grandparents.  I said a quick prayer and I told my Dad that I looked after Mom for him.

Since I had some time to kill before our flight I decided to call my Mom before we left.  My sister Debbie answered the phone.  She was very cold and told my Mom the call was for her. 

I told my Mom how glad I’d been to spend time with her.  I asked her if she enjoyed having everyone come see her.  She said she did.  We chatted for a few more minutes and I asked if I could talk to my sister Debbie.  I wanted to tell her that I wished we could have spent more time together during my visit.

Once Debbie was on the phone she tore into me.  She said she “sees how I’m all tight with Bill and all.”  She then launched in to a diatribe about how Bill had come to visit one time and didn’t offer to help her with the yard work.  She said that Billy suggested that she ask one of Debbie’s girl’s boyfriends to help her so she didn’t have to do so much. 

She went on about how she’s documenting all of this.  She’d documenting how she threw out her hip helping Dad.  “I don’t know if you realize this but it’s in the will that I get to stay here a year after Mom dies.” She told me.

Actually originally I thought she’d be there until she died so it really didn’t matter to me.  I had written off any inheritance from my parent’s years ago.  Obviously my sister thinks I’m waiting with baited breath for my Mom to die to get my clutches on her estate.  Come on now, estate?  Really?  It’s a house.  Big deal.  I have a house.  I don’t need that house. 

Debbie dug right in there.  “Well when you vultures come circling around I’m just going to wave that paper around and say nothing.”  Fine.  Wave it.  Big deal!  Again I could care less about the house but I said nothing because Debbie was on a roll.

She told me that she didn’t know who I was coming over to the house and telling Mom to listen to her and eat for her because that’s not going to magically make things better.  She told me that Mom was bugging her about her compression socks when I left.  She told me I could have killed her if I put the wrong ones on her. (By the way I didn’t put any socks on her I just asked her if she was supposed to be wearing them.)

Then after her rambling martyr dialogue she finally told me that she’s going to shut up now because she may have said too much and then slammed the phone down.

I cried.  I didn’t deserve that.  Mary hasn’t come down once since Dad’s been dead but she feels that Mary is the only one who’s there for her.  She’s the only one she can commiserate with and of course the one who is always ready to charge in on her high horse as not so much as a hero but rather she runs rapidly to spread strife among family strife.  In this role she can be malicious, vicious, and vindictive.

I prayed for God to help me during this time but I also decided to pray for both of my sisters.  I told God that I will put my trust in him and that I will try to let his will be done instead of trying to be “RIGHT”.

How have you been dealing with all that?  What’s been working?  And what’s just been making things worse?

Sometimes I have retreated from the problems I am facing.  Sometimes I confront the problems head-on.  There are times when I want to throw my hands up in the air while other times I want fix everything somehow, some way.  Obviously one can never truly run away from their problems.  Working towards a solution and praying for GOD’s guidance is the only way to make things better. 

Calling All Cave Dwellers - A Heart Like His

Every man who was desperate, in debt or discontented rallied around him, and he became their leader.  (1 Samuel 22:2)

How do you feel towards the needy people in your life, whether strangers you pass on the street or those who live in much closer proximity?

I think we all go through periods of time when we are in need whether it is monetary, spiritual, or emotional.  There are days when we all feel especially vulnerable. There are times when we crave encouragement, when we need to vent our feelings, or when we just want someone to tell us how special or wonderful we are.

I try to reach out to others but I feel more comfortable if I am a step removed.  I don’t mind buying Thanksgiving turkeys for twenty-five families but I give it to the church to distribute.  I coupon and use some of my stockpile to donate to food pantries but I feel funny about offering to buy a street person a meal.

When I lived in DC there was an obstacle course of people begging for change and I’ve even had one chase me down the street demanding I give him money. 

When a student tells me he’s hungry or needs school supplies I feel OK about giving those things directly because I know that child.  I know his/her circumstances. 

It’s difficult for me to counsel others when they are going through a crisis because I don’t feel that I have the training to help them.  I look at my life and see how I’ve screwed my life up and I am afraid that I will only make their problems worse.  I’m better at helping student who want to quit school and I talk them into getting their diploma.

There are some needy types are people who drain your energy because they constantly require your attention, affection, or affirmation. In fact, they are desperate for any type of support you can give them.  I have more than my fair share of these emotional vampires in my family.

I understand that when people lack sufficient emotional nurturing in childhood they never grow past the stage of needing to have their worth confirmed.  Many times people who are needy find themselves living in an arrested stage of development, still looking desperately for the emotional support they lacked when they were growing up.  We grew up in a family devoid of the veneer of basic parenting so it’s easy to see why we struggle with this.

I would say that I am a paradox when it comes to my dealings with people in my life who are in need.  One might say my heart is willing but my flesh not so much as GOD requires.  I am trying to learn how to live in harmony with others, be more sympathetic, and be compassionate and humble

What do our responses toward those in need reveal about our own heart’s condition? 

I believe that my response towards those in need does show a certain arrested development in my spiritual maturity.  I need to rely on GOD for wisdom guidance so that I can grow stronger in my walk with GOD.

Common Bonds, Uncommon Friends - 90 Days With A Heart Like His

If I continue to live treat me with the LORD’s faithful love, but if I die don’t ever withdraw your faithful love from my household—not even when the LORD cuts off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth.” (1 Samuel 20:14-15)

In thinking about your best friendships, what besides circumstances or preferences would you say has knit your hearts together?

Looking back at my friendships I would say that most of them involved shared values and similar circumstances.  This does not mean that we walked in lock step nor does it mean that we didn’t disagree on deeply held beliefs, for example religion and politics.  I felt that my best friends were there for me, willing to listen to me when I needed someone to lean on.  They were also able to overlook my multitude of faults and I overlooked theirs. 

Why is the Lord such an integral part of best friendships?  And what’s missing between them when He’s not?

If God is not an active part of friendships, the people are missing one of life's most important treasures.

The Power of Love - 90 Days With A Heart Like His

Saul sent agents to David’s house to watch for him and kill him in the morning.  But his wife Micha warned David:  “If you don’t escape tonight, you will be dead tomorrow!” (1 Samuel 19:11)

What would happen, you think, if you deliberately chose to love and serve a person whom you found yourself jealous or at odds with?

Jealousy is a raw human emotion created when a person feels insecure or anxious about his importance or value to other people.  Jealousy is such a primal emotion. It is also destructive and unattractive.

When you find yourself to be jealous of someone you chose to serve or love you may find yourself undermining that person and hindering their progress. That person’s happiness or achievements bother you. 

Jealousy will NEVER help you.  You will find yourself wasting lots of your precious time and energy when you find yourself immersed in jealousy, while this person who is the object of your jealousy wouldn't even give you a thought.  Instead you should try to divert all the negative energy into something positive that can ultimately help you lead a better life.

What have you seen love accomplish—whether in God’s love for you, or your love for another, or their love for you? 

I have read many accounts of people who’s love for GOD allowed them to witness miracles.  Mother Teresa comes to mind.  She had an unwavering love for the lives of those that no one cared about.  She understood that earthly rewards were important only if they helped her help the world's needy.

I have seen GOD’s love for me in my own life when I see how he never gave up on me.  He took care of me and lead me to my destiny.  He is with me ALWAYS!

It is GOD that helped me to go college when I didn't think it was possible.  It was GOD that helped me raise two grounded children by myself.  HE is able to do everything if I only open my heart to him.  

A Jealous Eye - A Heart Like His

1 Samuel 18:28-29 When Saul realized that the LORD was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days.

Is jealousy ever a proper response toward others?  How could it ever sow good rather than evil? (Read 2 Corinthians 11:2).

2 Corinthians 11:2 says, “For I am jealous of you with the jealousy of God, since I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.  

The concept of GOD beig jealous can almost seem foreign to us because it refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something.  Certainly a powerful and Almighty GOD would not be insecure, anxious, or fearful.  Why then does this scripture and others tell us that GOD is indeed a jealous GOD?

After some research I have learned that both the Old and New Testament words for jealousy are also translated “zeal.” This casts a different light on this scripture because by replacing jealousy with zeal because when someone is zealous about someone or something that person is filled with eager desire.   

GOD has a passionate, consuming zeal for our best interests. He wants us to share that zeal by being jealous for one another’s best interests.  If we shared God’s zeal for other believers our prayer life would not be occupied with our own problems, but we would eagerly solicit God on behalf of the specific needs of others in Christ's name.

When the Bible speaks of GOD being jealous “for” us—(Joel 2:18, Zech. 1:14, 8:2) – how is that different from being jealous “of” someone?

In the above mention scripture all deal with GOD's jealousy. Keep in mind that jealousy the root word in Hebrew is as often translated as "zealous" as it is "jealous".  With this in mind we should feel secure, protected, and deeply loved.  GOD's jealousy is rooted in his great and abiding love for us.

Joel 2:18 says “Then the LORD became jealous for his land and had pity on his people.” 

In Joel 2:18 we clearly see that GOD intervenes with zeal and compassion for his followers.  He intervenes with a zealous compassion and loyalty for what is His. It is because of His love for us that he will restore us if we put our faith in Him.

Zechariah 1:14 reads So the angel who talked with me said to me, ‘Cry out, Thus says the Lord of hosts: I am exceedingly jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion.

The book of Zechariah tells us about GOD's great love for his people.  It begins with a call for his people to return home to him and proclaims that He willl return to them when they do. 

Finally in Zechariah 8:2 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her."

GOD is jalous for us.  He wants to reform, restore and replenish things in your life just as in Zechariah when God speaks of restoring Jerusalem. Run to him! Do not wait, do not hesitate. There is much he wants to lavish on you sons and daughters!  Be jealous" (zealous) for God’s eternal truth and share it with others.  

Flashes of Anger - A Heart Like His

Saul was furious and resented this song.  “They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands.  What more can he have but the kingdom?” (1 Samuel  18:8)

What have you seen injured or destroyed in your life by angry reactions, by those initial outbursts that flare up and do their worst damage in a moment’s time?

I think for most of us it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.  I will admit that there were times when my first reaction to anger may be to attack, hurt, destroy and defend!  In fact it is never OK to use anger to hurt people in any way!

Anger is a strong emotion. Strong emotions can get in the way of clear thinking and commonsense.  On the other hand, when people ignore their anger, it has nowhere else to go, and can often turn upon its owner.

How do you prevent these kinds of events from occurring?  What disciplines could keep us protected from either inflicting or internalizing the hurt they cause?

I've finally learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.  Anger is a normal emotion and there is nothing wrong with being angry.  What matters is how I handle it and what I do when I’m angry. 

Rather than having anger control me, I need to think about what I have been doing when I get mad. Sometimes I yell and scream and sometimes I withdraw and sulk? I know I have you hurt people with the words I have used. 

If I give myself some time and space I can articulate why I am angry so that I can act rather than react – ("I feel angry because…")  I need to acknowledge that It is about being able to agree that you are not going to agree, but that it's okay for others to have their own opinions.

One Amazing Covenant - A Heart Like His

Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as much as himself.  (1 Samuel 18:3)

Do you have the privilege of knowing someone like Jonathan?  Have you known anyone who has given up power or position for God’s will?  Who and how?

Jonathan and David are good examples of how friends treat each other. They should love each other and care about their needs. They should encourage them and help them in tough times. It’s a good example to us of how friends should be.

Jonathan could have been upset that David would be king instead of him. After all, he was the next in line. However, God had anointed David to be king and Jonathan knew that he must follow God.  Jonathan loved David and was happy for him to be the next king.

Friends are happy when others succeed.  They are not jealous or envious. They care and love at all times.  Unfortunately all too often jealousy rears its ugly head in my relationships partly because I fear that I do not have value. I seem to look for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than me.

Unfortunately it seems as though I've always been a part of a competitive relationship in which one person’s success is seen as a threat to the other person’s well-being.  It’s very unhealthy and yet time and time again I seem to seek out such relationships, willing to down-play my achievements and/or not even try to move forward because to do so may risk the relationship. 

I fear the same in my relationship with God that I just don’t measure up and that I will never please him.  I’m working on learning how to give up the power I THINK I have in my life and put my dreams, my goals, and my talent, into God’s hands.  I MUST stop telling GOD what I don’t have or can’t do because equipped me with everything I need to fulfill my destiny. 

How have you sensed God calling you beyond the norm and the expected to give up something that might rightfully be yours but needs to be given over to His greater plan?

GOD makes the resource of His strength available to us.  I believe that I have been very guilty of waiting GOD to give it to me without much work on my side of the equation. He brings His strength to us as we seek Him and rely on Him instead of our own strength.  The fact is that is that you really do reap what you sow if you are putting forth little effort in your Christian walk, you should expect little result. 

This is where I am in my walk with GOD.  I’m trying desperately to learn what is required of me.  What is GOD’s plan for me?  

Saul's Armor

Instead, he took his staff in his hand and chose five smooth stones from the wadi and put them in the pouch, in his shepherd’s bag.  Then, with his sling in his hand, he approached the Philistine (1 Samuel 17:40)

What pieces of “Saul’s armor” do you still find yourself reaching for, not quite sure that God’s Word and His promises are enough to depend on?

Saul offered his own armor to David. This was quite an honor, but there was a major problem: David was only a teenage boy and not only did Saul’s armor not fit David but it was unfamiliar to him. 

In the end David took up the humble weapons of a shepherd and with God’s help was able to defeat Goliath. 

Saul's armor can take many forms and can be forced upon us by people who mean well. They have always relied on their armor: their experience, training, education, natural talents, degrees, cultural study, money, contacts, organizations, etc! God does not receive the glory as they attributed victory to their armor. 

Personally I feel more comfortable when I don my armor of education.  Sometimes I feel as though that prepares me for the challenges I face and at other times I feel that I lack enough education for the challenges I face.  Instead I should put on the spiritual armor of God so that I may stand in the spiritual battle I face and prevail

We must NEVER trade faith for Saul's armor.  God hasn't changed. Faith still fells giants and moves mountains.

What do you think makes these extras and add-ons so heavy after awhile? 

We have a tendency to compare our talents with the talents of others. Sometimes we obsess over the things we can’t do instead of improving on the things we can do. It’s as though we are saying, “God you made a mistake when you created me. You gave me the wrong talents.” This kind of attitude does not glorify God!

With God on our side we can overcome any adversity that we face.  We must offer our gifts and talents to God, and expect him to use them as only He can.

We should never allow someone else's lack of faith dictate our decisions. We serve a God who is able to accomplish what concerns us in every aspect. 

Disapproval At Short Distance - A Heart Like His

A slice of Oreo Cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory has 869 calories or Weight Watchers points.  In order for me to lose weight I have to keep my points at 19 points or other.  Why then would I consume the other half of my slice of Oreo Cheesecake this morning?  The honest answer is that I was celebrating skipping school.

That’s right; this is the first year in about 15 years that I missed the first day of school.  As a lady of leisure, I lounged around in my pj’s and my robe while consuming cheesecake.  Unfortunately there is no truth to the belief that eating sweets on your birthday makes calories mute. 
Later today, hubby and I plan support Chick-fil-a to support them in light of the calls to boycott the restaurant from same-sex marriage activists. 

Dan Cathy, the president and COO of the family-owned company, told an interviewer from the Biblical Recorder that, “We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

Cathy’s stance is shared by billions of people the world over. By the way, this view held by approximately half of Americans.  

I suppose I should have the Chargrilled Chicken Garden Salad because it only has three Weight Watchers Points.  The sad truth is that I will probably wake up yet again to see 128.8 staring up at me from the scale again tomorrow.

As I said earlier, I called RHS and talked to Terri J. and Linda F.  Terri told me that she was looking for my smiling face yesterday and that she definitely missed me.  She teased that she told Mrs. F. she didn't get her plate of goodies because she was waiting for me to bring them around.

I told Linda about the job opportunity that I received by email and kind of felt she would say that I couldn't handle it.  Instead she told me that she felt that I would be great for the job as an administrator at a local Christian Academy.  Wow it was great to have her support.  I think I’ll send them my resume and see how that goes.  The salary there is from $45,000 - $55,000. 

Today’s Beth Moore Bible Study for David – 90 Days With A Heart Like His is called Disapproval at short Distance. 

David was the youngest.  The three oldest had followed Saul, but David kept going back and forth from Saul to tend his father’s flock in Bethlehem. (1 Samuel 17:14-15)

Have you ever felt undervalued and unappreciated for what you do and who you are?  How have you felt this sting the sharpest?

The old nursery rhyme tells us that Man may work from sun to sun, But woman's work is never done. I think this is true whether you are a homemaker or a career woman. 

There were many times over my life and career when I felt undervalued and unappreciated.  I realize now that to an extent I accepted this because I had such poor self-esteem.  If my ex-husband felt I wasn’t good enough I castigated myself for failing to meet the standards he set for me.  In reality no matter what I would have done I would never make him happy and it was much more about him than it was about me.

When my ex-husband would abuse me I would often ask "What did I do wrong?" "How could someone do that to me?" "What makes me so gullible?”

The fact was that my ex-husband was blaming you for things outside of my control.  I see now that he was a self serving individual who had little care for the feelings and consequences of his actions on others

It is difficult to comprehend that some people abuse our trust or deliberately take advantage of our vulnerability or dependency take advantage of us.  What are the best ways you've found to counteract this tendency of others who inflate their own importance at your expense?

I used to work with a teacher who began many statements to me with the following words, “I have TWO MASTERS degrees…”  It never really mattered what the conversation was about it was simply her way of putting me in my place and setting herself up as the expert on a particular situation.

I felt the sting of her words to mean that she saw herself as smarter than me.  In fact this was really more about her self-esteem than it was about her feelings of self-importance. My mistake is making her statements about me when it really isn't.

I struggle with the habit of seeking validation from others.  Worse yet, I often assume that others are correct.  By doing this I mistakenly make experts out of those around me even if they are not qualified to do so. 

I need to learn to accept myself and allowed myself to LIVE my life as God wants with or without the validation and approval of others.