A Jealous Eye - A Heart Like His

1 Samuel 18:28-29 When Saul realized that the LORD was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days.

Is jealousy ever a proper response toward others?  How could it ever sow good rather than evil? (Read 2 Corinthians 11:2).

2 Corinthians 11:2 says, “For I am jealous of you with the jealousy of God, since I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.  

The concept of GOD beig jealous can almost seem foreign to us because it refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something.  Certainly a powerful and Almighty GOD would not be insecure, anxious, or fearful.  Why then does this scripture and others tell us that GOD is indeed a jealous GOD?

After some research I have learned that both the Old and New Testament words for jealousy are also translated “zeal.” This casts a different light on this scripture because by replacing jealousy with zeal because when someone is zealous about someone or something that person is filled with eager desire.   

GOD has a passionate, consuming zeal for our best interests. He wants us to share that zeal by being jealous for one another’s best interests.  If we shared God’s zeal for other believers our prayer life would not be occupied with our own problems, but we would eagerly solicit God on behalf of the specific needs of others in Christ's name.

When the Bible speaks of GOD being jealous “for” us—(Joel 2:18, Zech. 1:14, 8:2) – how is that different from being jealous “of” someone?

In the above mention scripture all deal with GOD's jealousy. Keep in mind that jealousy the root word in Hebrew is as often translated as "zealous" as it is "jealous".  With this in mind we should feel secure, protected, and deeply loved.  GOD's jealousy is rooted in his great and abiding love for us.

Joel 2:18 says “Then the LORD became jealous for his land and had pity on his people.” 

In Joel 2:18 we clearly see that GOD intervenes with zeal and compassion for his followers.  He intervenes with a zealous compassion and loyalty for what is His. It is because of His love for us that he will restore us if we put our faith in Him.

Zechariah 1:14 reads So the angel who talked with me said to me, ‘Cry out, Thus says the Lord of hosts: I am exceedingly jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion.

The book of Zechariah tells us about GOD's great love for his people.  It begins with a call for his people to return home to him and proclaims that He willl return to them when they do. 

Finally in Zechariah 8:2 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her."

GOD is jalous for us.  He wants to reform, restore and replenish things in your life just as in Zechariah when God speaks of restoring Jerusalem. Run to him! Do not wait, do not hesitate. There is much he wants to lavish on you sons and daughters!  Be jealous" (zealous) for God’s eternal truth and share it with others.  

Flashes of Anger - A Heart Like His

Saul was furious and resented this song.  “They credited tens of thousands to David,” he complained, “but they only credited me with thousands.  What more can he have but the kingdom?” (1 Samuel  18:8)

What have you seen injured or destroyed in your life by angry reactions, by those initial outbursts that flare up and do their worst damage in a moment’s time?

I think for most of us it's a lot easier to react than it is to think.  I will admit that there were times when my first reaction to anger may be to attack, hurt, destroy and defend!  In fact it is never OK to use anger to hurt people in any way!

Anger is a strong emotion. Strong emotions can get in the way of clear thinking and commonsense.  On the other hand, when people ignore their anger, it has nowhere else to go, and can often turn upon its owner.

How do you prevent these kinds of events from occurring?  What disciplines could keep us protected from either inflicting or internalizing the hurt they cause?

I've finally learned that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.  Anger is a normal emotion and there is nothing wrong with being angry.  What matters is how I handle it and what I do when I’m angry. 

Rather than having anger control me, I need to think about what I have been doing when I get mad. Sometimes I yell and scream and sometimes I withdraw and sulk? I know I have you hurt people with the words I have used. 

If I give myself some time and space I can articulate why I am angry so that I can act rather than react – ("I feel angry because…")  I need to acknowledge that It is about being able to agree that you are not going to agree, but that it's okay for others to have their own opinions.

Waiting Up Is Hard To Do - A Heart Like His

Morning brings a new day and a new perspective.  Thank goodness for a chance to shake the problems from yesterday. 

Yesterday Darryl called to let me know that his car was not starting up so he called me up to ask me to come pick him up.  This was to be my first foray in traffic in Dallas.  Fortunately I was heading in the opposite direction of the rush—hour traffic.  This did not mean that I wasn't nervous.  I was very nervous. 

Let’s be honest, I've been kind of sheltered from city traffic for about ten years.  Now magnify the traffic I dealt with in DC and you’ll get a good idea of what I was facing.  The traffic signs in Texas may say “Drive Friendly,” but trust me NO one seems to read those signs.  I clutched my directions, said a prayer for God to be with me on this trip, and headed off to pick-up Darryl.

Even though we couldn't get his car to start, things seemed to settle down once we arrived home.  Darryl fired up the grill and we got the chance to try those ribs that I won.  We paired them with some waffle fries I was reviewing for my blog and I joked with him about how dinner tastes even better when it’s free.

I crawled into bed around 10 PM and figured the troubles we had earlier that evening were over.  After all Darryl could have use of my car so he could get to work and I didn’t mind being confined to the house because I had some things to do.
Around one in the morning I awoke to a pounding headache and a parched throat.  I immediately decided that the reason for my headache was because I was dehydrated.  Ever so carefully I slipped out of bed and to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Within seconds of swallowing some water and an aspirin I found myself running down the hall to throw up.  From that point on I found myself wavering between chills, the urge to throw up, dizziness, and a strong need to go to the bathroom. 

At one point I went out into the backyard and lay on the cement slab in the warm Texas night.  I’d feel a gentle warm breeze caressing me, soothing me.  “God, I feel so bad.  I know I will feel OK soon because I am in your loving arms.”  Another breeze gently calmed me and about ten minutes later I was able to crawl back in bed

Apparently I wasn’t the only one feeling poorly.  Darryl was very disoriented this morning and he also had a headache.  Even Atlas joined the sick parade and threw up all over the floor after eating his food. 

Despite my bout of illness I stepped on the scale for the first time in almost a week and I discovered that I weigh 128.8.  Great! 

I think what I really need to do know is to do my Beth Moore Bible Study so I can get my day back on the right track.

“You have not kept the command which the Lord your God gave you.  It was at this time that the Lord would have permanently established your rein over Israel” 1 Samuel 13:13
A lot can go through your head while you’re waiting.  What are some of the thought that have bombarded you during your latest waiting experiences?

Darryl and I had to live apart for most of the last school year.  We both decided that he should take the job in Texas and I would finish out my school year at Rome. 

At first I was excited about the prospect of moving but once Darryl moved I was vacillating between should I stay or should I go.  This is not to say I wondered if I should leave my husband.  I didn't have any doubts that we should stay together.  I worried about leaving the school where I had taught for the past seven years and “retire” to a life as a stay-at-home housewife.

Funny how the very thought of it was overwhelming considering how many years I desperately wanted to be a housewife.  How was I going to make friends?  What kind of volunteer work would I do?  When would I get to see the grand-kids since I would be moving even further from home?
I've decided to put it all in God’s hands and he will help lead me down the path I was meant to take.

What do you think God is most wanting to purge out of us when He forces us to wait on Him?

I HATE waiting!  It makes me feel uncomfortable and in weak moments, doubt rears its ugly head Impatience is a form of laziness. In order for God’s promises to be fulfilled in my life, I need to demonstrate both faith and patience. God is showing me how to not just to wait but also to watch, to keep my eyes on Him and watch Him do something even better than what I was praying for.

People Pleasers - A Heart Like His

Today's Bible Study from Beth Moore's David involves the topic of people pleasing.  Sadly I have been a slave to this debilitating condition.  

But some scoundrels said, “How can this fellow save us?” They despised him and brought him no gifts. But Saul kept silent. 1 Samuel 10:27

How has God been transforming you from a person always wanting to be liked and accepted into someone who simply wants to be obedient to the Lord, whatever the cost? 

Learning to get past the need for being liked and accepted is part of my personal journey.  In the past I put far more value in the opinions of others than being obedient to the Lord.  It is important to do what God wants, which may not necessarily be what people expect of us and this can cause people pleasers like myself to make poor choices when trying to please the wrong master.   

It's more important to concentrate on what God commands me to do, than it is to worry about outward appearances.  Obviously, there are times when the opinions of others are part of the plan of God for my life.  This is why it’s important that I seek counsel from godly men and women and not popular culture or people who are trying to mold me into their world view.

What are the most debilitating results of people pleasing?  What has this desire caused you to do (or not to do) in the past?

People pleasers like me try desperately to do the impossible, make everyone happy. In fact no one is happy - including me. I try to avoid anger and confrontation so I will attempt to “kill others with kindness” as self-defense camouflage.  In a way I use this behavior as an attempt to control the situation and helping me avoid negative outcomes.

I realize that this form of defense is rooted in my poor self-esteem which in turn is from the physical, emotional and verbal abuse I was subjected to growing up.  As an adult I have felt the need to be accepted by others. And not just a general acceptance, but that of each person I come in contact with.  Think about how CRAZY this is!

You see the problem is that as a practicing people pleaser, I allowed myself to get beat up by the world around me, I would come home each day in a state of despair 

Self-Centeredness In Disguise - A Heart Like His

Last weekend was yet another in a series of 12 hour drives from Texas to Georgia trying to finish emptying the house. I grab small snatches of sleep as the truck bounces along but when we arrive I’m desperate for some sleep.

Darryl and I had decided to read the book Minutes In Hell: One Man's Story About What He Saw, Heard, and Felt in that Place of Torment by Bill Wiese on our journey back to Georgia. The book is claimed to be non-fiction and recounts the author's alleged 23-minute-long experience in hell in 1998. This turned out to be a bad decision as I will recount shortly.

The high point on the trip was stopping at Hooters and having wings and chocolate cake, I say high point but that quickly changed to low point as I felt as if I ate too much.

Once we arrived all I wanted to do was fall asleep but I was so over-tired that I couldn’t the searing flames of hell, the total isolation, the putrid and rotting stench, deafening screams of agony, and the terrorizing demons that await me if I don’t do something about my life.

I tossed and turned and turned and tossed until finally streams of morning light invaded the darkness of the room. I was absolutely exhausted but the show must go on.

Once the truck was loaded we took Atlas for a walk and began the long trip home. I try to finish reading the book May God Have Mercy: A True Story of Crime and Punishment by John C. Tucker. That particular case has always intrigued me because the play it got from the media that we were going to kill an innocent man. Donahue, Geraldo, The Times, ad nauseum all trumpeted that there was NO possible way that Coleman could be the killer. I wrestled with the truth. Was this man an innocent man who was to be put to death simply because his lawyers filed his appeal a day late? Was he guilty as charged? What was the truth?

On May 20, 1992, the Commonwealth of Virginia executed Roger Keith Coleman in the electric chair. As Coleman was strapped into the electric chair, he made one final declaration. "An innocent man is going to be murdered tonight," he said. "When my innocence is proven, I hope America will realize the injustice of the death penalty as all other civilized countries have."

In 2006, Virginia Governor Mark Warner announced that the state had re-examined DNA evidence had conclusively proven Coleman's guilt. In the light of these findings it was interesting to hear from an author who was convinced that the death penalty had been improperly administered in light of the DNA findings.

We arrived home Sunday shortly before midnight and I fell into a blissfully sound sleep. This did not mean that I felt rested. I dragged through the updates about James Holmes who was arraigned today.

During the court session, Holmes appeared sedated. His eyes appeared to have a blank stare as though the 24-year-old was not coherent and unaware of his surroundings. He did not say a word during the proceedings.

The judge informed Holmes that he will be kept in custody on a no-bail hold due to the egregious nature of the crimes he's been accused of committing.

Homes was informed he will be kept in custody on a “no-bail hold” due to the nature of the crimes he’s been accused of committing. James is also forbidden from contacting any of the victims or their families.

Today I finally feel up to continuing my Beth Moore Bible study about David 90 Days With A Heart Like His.

Then Samuel said Notice that the reserved piece is set before you. Eat it because it was saved for you for this solemn event at the time I said “I’ve invited the people.” So Saul ate with Samuel that day (1 Samuel 9:24)

How do you commonly react when someone pays you a compliment or gives you some kind of recognition for your efforts?

When I receive compliments or recognition I often discount the compliment by suggesting that it was nothing or that someone else could have done it better. Sometimes I do this in a sarcastic manner or insisting that the person who paid me the compliment didn’t mean what they said.

I really have a very difficult time accepting a compliment because I always compare my achievements to others.

What are the root causes behind your answer? Are there any similarities of heart in the person who responds with shy inferiority and the one who puffs up with obvious pride?

The root cause lies in my insecurities and low self-esteem. The problem is that self-centeredness is often disguised as self-pity. Self-anything is self-centeredness. Any attitude that causes the focus to be on me is self-centeredness.

Warrior Artist - A Heart Like His

I've begun obsessing with my weight again.  I brought the scale home from the camper last night and I saw that I weighed 128.9 lbs this morning.  I know this sounds crazy but I wonder if I’ll see 125 again.  I realize that’s only three pounds but I just seem to hover around the weight.  Admittedly I’m not overweight but I felt I looked better at 125 so I guess I have to get my butt in gear.  In the big scheme of things four or five pounds are not a game breaker. 

I guess I feel guilty because I at a bag of chips and four chicken fajitas the other day so I’m beating myself up for doing such a stupid thing.  Today I had thought about going to Burger King for an original chicken sandwich.  Fortunately I checked the weight watchers points and learned that just the sandwich was 17 points.  OMG!!!!  I am only allowed 19 points so I would not be allowed to eat ANYTHING else today.  I guess I won’t be using that coupon. 

Believe it or not a Whopper Jr with no cheese is only nine points and a soft serve cone is only four points. 

Yesterday was Darryl’s birthday.  I got him a happy birthday balloon, a card, and some cake.  Darryl doesn’t like making a big deal about his birthday like I do. 

Our Love Dare yesterday was to contact each other sometime during the business of the day.  We are to have no agenda other than asking how our spouse is doing and if there I anything we can do for our spouse. 

I emailed Darryl several times throughout the day with little love notes and asked what I could do for him on his birthday.  I helped him unload more of the truck and he helped me move some boxes. 

Now for today’s My David 90 Days With A Heart Like His Bible study by Beth Moore.

I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp.  He is also a valiant man, a warrior, eloquent, handsome, and the Lord is with him (1 Samuel 16:18)

Have you ever felt like Saul—threatened by someone like David who seemed to have so much of God invested in him?  What puts us off about people like that?

The reoccurring theme of my life is that I feel threatened by others.  Are they prettier than me?  Are they smarter, thinner, more educated and the list goes on.  I fell as thought I was captive to the expectations of others.  While I understand that in all the world has never been and never will be anyone else like me, I’m not so certain that it’s such a great being me.

I need to learn to acknowledge that my uniqueness is God’s gift to me, and uniqueness is my gift to God.  Every past experience is preparation for some future opportunity.  God has designed me for a specific person. There is nothing God cannot do in my and through me if I simply yield my life to Him. 

I need to acknowledge that GOD is crafting my character through the circumstances of my life. To see myself as anything other than God’s masterpiece is to devalue and distort my true identity. At the end of the day, God isn’t going to ask, “Why weren’t you more like this person or that?” God is going to ask, “Why weren’t didn’t you use the gifts and talents I gave you?”

Would you describe yourself as more strong than tender, or more tender than strong?  What are the greatest dangers of getting out of balance in either direction?

I would describe myself as more tender than tough.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and so I can be easily hurt.  If you asked others they may describe my tenacity as my tough side that helped me overcome the obstacles in my way.

Is This What You Really Want? - A Heart Like His

Listen to them but you must solemnly warn them and tell them about the rights of the king who will rule over them (1 Samuel 8:9)

Think about a time when you insisted on having your way, but it turned out to be a mistake. Try to describe who the “king” of your own self-desire treated you.

When I think of this question, I can’t help thinking of how much I “LOVED” my ex-husband. Actually with the 20/20 hindsight that comes only with time, I would say I worshiped him. I was willing to do anything, say anything, be anything just to be with him. This was in spite of the chaotic and abusive nature of the relationship.

I can’t begin to tell you how many times I begged GOD to let us get back together. I bargained with God to allow me to marry him. I pled with God to make me the kind of person that my EX wanted me to be. I beseeched God to keep my ex from beating me and cheating on me. I wanted to find a comfortable way to stay in this relationship despite how it was spiraling out of control.

By seeking my own self-desire the outcome was not good. If instead I had heeded the voices of friends and family members and of course the doubts and warnings God put in my path I orchestrated the suffering I received at the hands of my ex.

How would it affect your next big battle of wills if you approached it with patience, waiting long enough to see what God was really wanting to do in this situation?

It is of course a constant struggle to approach situations with patience and prayer to wait to discover the path where God leads.

Sometimes we need to remember to thank God for unanswered prayers. (Thank you Garth Brooks) Remember that when God doesn’t readily give us what we want when we want it, it is because He knows what our desire would cost us. Faith sometimes means forgoing our desires because we trust Christ to have a better plan for our lives