A Case Of Overkill – A Heart Like His

 

So Achish trusted David thinking, “Since he has made himself detestable to his people Israel, he will be my servant forever” (1 Samuel 27:12)

Think of a time when the pressure of life really got to you and you did something rash or irrational in response.  What was the fallout from that?

It’s hard to just pick one incident but I will try.  I was so tired of being single and alone that I jumped into a relationship that was not a good one for me or my children.  The relationship was an attempt for me to tread water but instead I felt like I was drowning.  I found the courage to leave despite the difficult circumstances in my life but in the end I felt more like a failure than I did before the relationship.  I still beat myself up over the whole thing but I realize that while the decision to rush into the relationship was not a good one I did come out of it a stronger person. 

How do you handle things when your faith is starting to run thin, when GOD’s face is particularly hard to see and His voice hard to hear?

I try to remember Paul’s command in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 to “pray without ceasing.”  Sometimes I must remind myself that GOD is actively involved and engaged in my thoughts and actions even if I don’t always see it in the moment.  Prayer is an essential part of my life with Christ.  I try to make prayer my first response to every fearful situation, every anxious thought, and every undesired task that God commands.

There Too Many Faces Of David's Love - A Heart Like His

 

When David’s servants came to Abigail at Carmel they said to her, “David sent us to bring you to him as a wife” 1 Samuel 25:40

What sins and temptations regularly draw you to places where avoidable trouble becomes predictably inevitable?

Inevitably my prideful insistence that I can control things in my life over which I have no control gets me into trouble.  I have only to look back at my life for examples of times when I insisted my way was the right way even when I knew that the choices I was making went against GOD’s word. 
I know God answers prayer and now I look forward to what he is doing in our lives. I know it is for good.
Where do you usually feel the tension first when your ways and GOD’s ways begin to part? 
I feel tension and panic when GOD’s plan and my plan are divergent.  Sometimes it is difficult to walk by Faith and not by sight.  This is why it is so vital to first present our plans to Him and ask for assurance that God is in favor of our decisions.

Never give up on God. Never allow yourself to be determined solely by what ordinary perception tells you. Rather look with the eyes of Faith and see what God is up to.

The Inhumanity Of Humanity – A Heart Like His

Then the king ordered the guards at his side: “Turn and kill the priests of the LORD, because they too have sided with David. They knew he was fleeing, yet they did not tell me.” (1 Samuel 22:17)

Think of a time when you were stunned by the depravity of humanity.  How did you sort through your feelings about the situation?

Stories of man’s depravity are only a headline away.  A child burned to death with a 6000 degree welding torch.  Twelve people were killed and dozens were injured in a shooting attack during a showing of the Batman movie.  A mother stands trial on charges of killing her seven-week-old daughter by placing her in a microwave oven and letting her burn to death.  A man desperate to avoid paying child support murdered the child and the child’s mother a day before he was scheduled to take a paternity test.

How can you make sense of such heinous crimes?  Any person with an ounce of moral sensitivity is outraged by the injustices of our world.

 God is NOT the author of tragedy or evil or death. It’s true that God did create the potential for evil to enter the world, because that was the only way to create the potential for genuine goodness and love. But it was human beings, through our free will, who brought potential evil into reality.

What have you learned from tragedy?  What’s one of the best explanations you’ve heard for its existence in our world? 

I am always amazed how God can take the very worst circumstance imaginable and turn it into the very best situation possible.   

Do you remember the shooting at the West Nickel Mines School?  Charles Carl Roberts IV took hostages and shot ten girls (aged 6–13), killing five, before committing suicide in the schoolhouse.  On the day of the shooting, a grandfather of one of the murdered Amish girls was heard warning some young relatives not to hate the killer, saying, "We must not think evil of this man.” 

An Amish neighbor comforted the killer’s family hours after the shooting and extended forgiveness to them.  Members of the Amish community visited and comforted the killer’s widow, parents, and parents-in-law. One Amish man held Roberts' sobbing father in his arms, reportedly for as long as an hour, to comfort him. The Amish have also set up a charitable fund for the family of the shooter.

If these people could reach out during their own personal tragedy to the man who committed such a heinous act, then I have much to learn about placing my trust and faith in God so that I can gain God’s peace. 

Common Bonds, Uncommon Friends - 90 Days With A Heart Like His

If I continue to live treat me with the LORD’s faithful love, but if I die don’t ever withdraw your faithful love from my household—not even when the LORD cuts off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth.” (1 Samuel 20:14-15)

In thinking about your best friendships, what besides circumstances or preferences would you say has knit your hearts together?

Looking back at my friendships I would say that most of them involved shared values and similar circumstances.  This does not mean that we walked in lock step nor does it mean that we didn’t disagree on deeply held beliefs, for example religion and politics.  I felt that my best friends were there for me, willing to listen to me when I needed someone to lean on.  They were also able to overlook my multitude of faults and I overlooked theirs. 

Why is the Lord such an integral part of best friendships?  And what’s missing between them when He’s not?

If God is not an active part of friendships, the people are missing one of life's most important treasures.

The Power of Love - 90 Days With A Heart Like His

Saul sent agents to David’s house to watch for him and kill him in the morning.  But his wife Micha warned David:  “If you don’t escape tonight, you will be dead tomorrow!” (1 Samuel 19:11)

What would happen, you think, if you deliberately chose to love and serve a person whom you found yourself jealous or at odds with?

Jealousy is a raw human emotion created when a person feels insecure or anxious about his importance or value to other people.  Jealousy is such a primal emotion. It is also destructive and unattractive.

When you find yourself to be jealous of someone you chose to serve or love you may find yourself undermining that person and hindering their progress. That person’s happiness or achievements bother you. 

Jealousy will NEVER help you.  You will find yourself wasting lots of your precious time and energy when you find yourself immersed in jealousy, while this person who is the object of your jealousy wouldn't even give you a thought.  Instead you should try to divert all the negative energy into something positive that can ultimately help you lead a better life.

What have you seen love accomplish—whether in God’s love for you, or your love for another, or their love for you? 

I have read many accounts of people who’s love for GOD allowed them to witness miracles.  Mother Teresa comes to mind.  She had an unwavering love for the lives of those that no one cared about.  She understood that earthly rewards were important only if they helped her help the world's needy.

I have seen GOD’s love for me in my own life when I see how he never gave up on me.  He took care of me and lead me to my destiny.  He is with me ALWAYS!

It is GOD that helped me to go college when I didn't think it was possible.  It was GOD that helped me raise two grounded children by myself.  HE is able to do everything if I only open my heart to him.  

A Jealous Eye - A Heart Like His

1 Samuel 18:28-29 When Saul realized that the LORD was with David and that his daughter Michal loved David, Saul became still more afraid of him, and he remained his enemy the rest of his days.

Is jealousy ever a proper response toward others?  How could it ever sow good rather than evil? (Read 2 Corinthians 11:2).

2 Corinthians 11:2 says, “For I am jealous of you with the jealousy of God, since I betrothed you to one husband to present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.  

The concept of GOD beig jealous can almost seem foreign to us because it refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something.  Certainly a powerful and Almighty GOD would not be insecure, anxious, or fearful.  Why then does this scripture and others tell us that GOD is indeed a jealous GOD?

After some research I have learned that both the Old and New Testament words for jealousy are also translated “zeal.” This casts a different light on this scripture because by replacing jealousy with zeal because when someone is zealous about someone or something that person is filled with eager desire.   

GOD has a passionate, consuming zeal for our best interests. He wants us to share that zeal by being jealous for one another’s best interests.  If we shared God’s zeal for other believers our prayer life would not be occupied with our own problems, but we would eagerly solicit God on behalf of the specific needs of others in Christ's name.

When the Bible speaks of GOD being jealous “for” us—(Joel 2:18, Zech. 1:14, 8:2) – how is that different from being jealous “of” someone?

In the above mention scripture all deal with GOD's jealousy. Keep in mind that jealousy the root word in Hebrew is as often translated as "zealous" as it is "jealous".  With this in mind we should feel secure, protected, and deeply loved.  GOD's jealousy is rooted in his great and abiding love for us.

Joel 2:18 says “Then the LORD became jealous for his land and had pity on his people.” 

In Joel 2:18 we clearly see that GOD intervenes with zeal and compassion for his followers.  He intervenes with a zealous compassion and loyalty for what is His. It is because of His love for us that he will restore us if we put our faith in Him.

Zechariah 1:14 reads So the angel who talked with me said to me, ‘Cry out, Thus says the Lord of hosts: I am exceedingly jealous for Jerusalem and for Zion.

The book of Zechariah tells us about GOD's great love for his people.  It begins with a call for his people to return home to him and proclaims that He willl return to them when they do. 

Finally in Zechariah 8:2 This is what the LORD Almighty says: "I am very jealous for Zion; I am burning with jealousy for her."

GOD is jalous for us.  He wants to reform, restore and replenish things in your life just as in Zechariah when God speaks of restoring Jerusalem. Run to him! Do not wait, do not hesitate. There is much he wants to lavish on you sons and daughters!  Be jealous" (zealous) for God’s eternal truth and share it with others.  

Disapproval At Short Distance - A Heart Like His

A slice of Oreo Cheesecake from the Cheesecake factory has 869 calories or Weight Watchers points.  In order for me to lose weight I have to keep my points at 19 points or other.  Why then would I consume the other half of my slice of Oreo Cheesecake this morning?  The honest answer is that I was celebrating skipping school.

That’s right; this is the first year in about 15 years that I missed the first day of school.  As a lady of leisure, I lounged around in my pj’s and my robe while consuming cheesecake.  Unfortunately there is no truth to the belief that eating sweets on your birthday makes calories mute. 
Later today, hubby and I plan support Chick-fil-a to support them in light of the calls to boycott the restaurant from same-sex marriage activists. 

Dan Cathy, the president and COO of the family-owned company, told an interviewer from the Biblical Recorder that, “We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”

Cathy’s stance is shared by billions of people the world over. By the way, this view held by approximately half of Americans.  

I suppose I should have the Chargrilled Chicken Garden Salad because it only has three Weight Watchers Points.  The sad truth is that I will probably wake up yet again to see 128.8 staring up at me from the scale again tomorrow.

As I said earlier, I called RHS and talked to Terri J. and Linda F.  Terri told me that she was looking for my smiling face yesterday and that she definitely missed me.  She teased that she told Mrs. F. she didn't get her plate of goodies because she was waiting for me to bring them around.

I told Linda about the job opportunity that I received by email and kind of felt she would say that I couldn't handle it.  Instead she told me that she felt that I would be great for the job as an administrator at a local Christian Academy.  Wow it was great to have her support.  I think I’ll send them my resume and see how that goes.  The salary there is from $45,000 - $55,000. 

Today’s Beth Moore Bible Study for David – 90 Days With A Heart Like His is called Disapproval at short Distance. 

David was the youngest.  The three oldest had followed Saul, but David kept going back and forth from Saul to tend his father’s flock in Bethlehem. (1 Samuel 17:14-15)

Have you ever felt undervalued and unappreciated for what you do and who you are?  How have you felt this sting the sharpest?

The old nursery rhyme tells us that Man may work from sun to sun, But woman's work is never done. I think this is true whether you are a homemaker or a career woman. 

There were many times over my life and career when I felt undervalued and unappreciated.  I realize now that to an extent I accepted this because I had such poor self-esteem.  If my ex-husband felt I wasn’t good enough I castigated myself for failing to meet the standards he set for me.  In reality no matter what I would have done I would never make him happy and it was much more about him than it was about me.

When my ex-husband would abuse me I would often ask "What did I do wrong?" "How could someone do that to me?" "What makes me so gullible?”

The fact was that my ex-husband was blaming you for things outside of my control.  I see now that he was a self serving individual who had little care for the feelings and consequences of his actions on others

It is difficult to comprehend that some people abuse our trust or deliberately take advantage of our vulnerability or dependency take advantage of us.  What are the best ways you've found to counteract this tendency of others who inflate their own importance at your expense?

I used to work with a teacher who began many statements to me with the following words, “I have TWO MASTERS degrees…”  It never really mattered what the conversation was about it was simply her way of putting me in my place and setting herself up as the expert on a particular situation.

I felt the sting of her words to mean that she saw herself as smarter than me.  In fact this was really more about her self-esteem than it was about her feelings of self-importance. My mistake is making her statements about me when it really isn't.

I struggle with the habit of seeking validation from others.  Worse yet, I often assume that others are correct.  By doing this I mistakenly make experts out of those around me even if they are not qualified to do so. 

I need to learn to accept myself and allowed myself to LIVE my life as God wants with or without the validation and approval of others. 

A Father Unlike His Son - A Heart Like His

In a way dieting is a walk in faith.  Your heart may be willing but the flesh is weak.  I still weigh 128.8 but then again I'm not really eating in a way that is conducive to losing weight.  

For example, yesterday we went to the Cheesecake Factory for dinner.  They had a special deal on cheesecake in honor of National Cheesecake.  No one has to tell me that eating cheesecake does NOT promote weight loss just in case you don't know.

To make matters worse I ordered their Jamalya pasta.  If you've never been to the Cheesecake Factory then you may not be aware that their entrees are HUGE.  I'm talking big enough for two  people. 

I justified the cheesecake by eating only a fourth of my entree.  I even ate a little less than half of the Oreo Cheesecake but still at the most rational level of my mind I knew I'd had too many calories.  I suppose I'm lucky I didn't gain anything after feasting on cheesecake.

Today's bible study from Beth Moore's David 90 Days With A Heart like his is about faith and making the choice to follow God's will and not your own.  It can be difficult walking with God not because he makes it so difficult but we make it difficult because we often demand our own way no matter what the cost.

Saul’s son Jonathan said to the attendant who carried his weapons, “Come on, let’s cross over to the Philistine garrisons on the other side.”  However, he did not tell his father.  (1 Samuel 14:1)

In what ways has God enabled you to build on the faith and godliness of those generations that have gone before you?
When I was a little girl we went to CCD which I looked upon as yet another day of school which included homework.  Then on Sundays we would often go to church, which for awhile was all done in Latin.  I felt like my whole world was structured and I longed for time off.  By the time I finished sixth grade, my parents had pretty much abandoned going to church every weekend.  They were angry at our local priest for a number of reasons.

For the next three years it was me who would wind up walking to a local Methodist church that I used to pass on the way to and from school.  My parents went there for a little while but they abandoned this church too.  I eventually abandoned that church and for a period of time I lived a life that was less than exemplary.

Periodically I would try to renew my faith and live the life of a believer but that didn’t seem to last too long as I’d always stumble, fall, and revert back to my wild ways.

God strengthened my resolve to become the person I was meant to be. He has helped me rediscover the faith I once had in the innocence of my childhood.  I desperately want to be a true child of GOD.

If you don’t come from a believing background, what have been (or continue to be) your great obstacles in adopting a consistent faith?

I can’t say that I did NOT come from a believing background.  We did go to religious training.  My family did go to church some times.  There were the trappings of religion in our household.  We had a cross on the wall and a Bible in our home. 

What I lacked was the actual example of what exactly did it mean to have a Godly life.  I grew up in an abusive home filled with chaos.  I had no examples of what it meant to be a Christian in my life.

“Knowing” and “doing” are surely distinct things and while I may feel I know what God wills me to do, often I still don’t do it.  I realize that I am personally the greatest obstacles to consistently living my faith. I need to learn submit to God’s will consistently.  

How To Lose A Kingdom - 90 Days With A Heart Like His

CUPCAKE ALERT!  It’s not that I don’t understand how losing weight occurs.  I absolutely do which makes one wonder WHY did I decide to eat TWO cupcakes for lunch yesterday.  It’s no wonder that I woke up this morning to see the scale staring back at me at 128.8. 

Yesterday I was going through some boxes in the room that will be ours and I decided to try on some of my old pants.  While I could pull my size 4 jeans up over my hips, I have to suck in my gut in order to close my jeans.  So here’s the really dumb thing.  I said to myself if I can just lose these last couple of pounds I can fit these again.  I promptly go downstairs for lunch and had not one but TWO cupcakes! 

As I mentioned yesterday, Darryl was disoriented yesterday morning and wound up having to come back to the house about a half an hour after leaving for work.  I was upstairs when he came back and didn’t know he had come home until I heard him yell upstairs; “Didn't you lock the door?” 

I had when he left but I guess I forgot when I went to take the trash out to the curb.  I suppose I was still out of it and forgot to lock the front door. 

When I got down stairs to find out why Darryl was home, I found him with the screen door open calling for our dog Atlas.

“Darryl,” I said, “You’d better close that door before he dashes out.”  Just as the words fell out of my mouth, there was Atlas trotting in from outside.

How did he get out?  Did he get out when I had taken out the trash or when Darryl came home?  According to Darryl, Atlas was hiding in the bushes across the street and when Atlas saw Darryl he came trotting back home.

Despite my bout with illness last night, Darryl’s tardiness coming home, we were able to make it to the “Taste & Tour” Open House with Interfaith Housing Coalition last night. 

Interfaith is an organization whose goal is to do more than just provide transitional housing to homeless families. Their ultimate goal is to take the poor from working poor to working class to middle class within 3 years.  We both found it to be a pretty amazing organization.  We are contemplating becoming part of it by volunteering.

Today’s Bible Study with Beth Moore’s “David 90 Days With A Heart Like His” is called How To  Lose A Kingdom.

“Does the Lord take pleasure n burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord?  Look:  to obey is better than sacrifice.”  1 Samuel 15:22

“Why didn’t you obey the Lord? (1 Samuel 15:19)  It’s always a hard question to answer, isn't it?  But answer it we must.  Why-why do we disobey the Lord?

We are all born with something in our hearts that likes to have its own way. We all think we are wise enough to decide for himself ourselves was right to do instead of following God’s instructions. 

If we are not obedient to His words and direction in our lives then it characterizes our lack of faith and trust in Him. We must show our trust in Him in every single situation and believe He has the right solution for any situation in our life.

What have you learned about sin in your life?  What are some hard-to-fast expectations of it that we’ll all do well to review on a regular basis?

When we find something we want to do we will fashion a way to accomplish this goal. When opposition arises, self-preservation engages and we employ denial and rationalization in order to justify our desired path. We will sometimes accomplish this goal at the expense of truth, family, friends, and reputation. We will lie to ourselves and berate our conscience until it condones our behavior

God cannot tolerate disobedience, and he has made this abundantly clear.  There are no loopholes in God's commands. While we may work the angles and weigh the costs but in truth, disobedience is still an act against God and His commandments.

Waiting Up Is Hard To Do - A Heart Like His

Morning brings a new day and a new perspective.  Thank goodness for a chance to shake the problems from yesterday. 

Yesterday Darryl called to let me know that his car was not starting up so he called me up to ask me to come pick him up.  This was to be my first foray in traffic in Dallas.  Fortunately I was heading in the opposite direction of the rush—hour traffic.  This did not mean that I wasn't nervous.  I was very nervous. 

Let’s be honest, I've been kind of sheltered from city traffic for about ten years.  Now magnify the traffic I dealt with in DC and you’ll get a good idea of what I was facing.  The traffic signs in Texas may say “Drive Friendly,” but trust me NO one seems to read those signs.  I clutched my directions, said a prayer for God to be with me on this trip, and headed off to pick-up Darryl.

Even though we couldn't get his car to start, things seemed to settle down once we arrived home.  Darryl fired up the grill and we got the chance to try those ribs that I won.  We paired them with some waffle fries I was reviewing for my blog and I joked with him about how dinner tastes even better when it’s free.

I crawled into bed around 10 PM and figured the troubles we had earlier that evening were over.  After all Darryl could have use of my car so he could get to work and I didn’t mind being confined to the house because I had some things to do.
Around one in the morning I awoke to a pounding headache and a parched throat.  I immediately decided that the reason for my headache was because I was dehydrated.  Ever so carefully I slipped out of bed and to the kitchen for a glass of water.

Within seconds of swallowing some water and an aspirin I found myself running down the hall to throw up.  From that point on I found myself wavering between chills, the urge to throw up, dizziness, and a strong need to go to the bathroom. 

At one point I went out into the backyard and lay on the cement slab in the warm Texas night.  I’d feel a gentle warm breeze caressing me, soothing me.  “God, I feel so bad.  I know I will feel OK soon because I am in your loving arms.”  Another breeze gently calmed me and about ten minutes later I was able to crawl back in bed

Apparently I wasn’t the only one feeling poorly.  Darryl was very disoriented this morning and he also had a headache.  Even Atlas joined the sick parade and threw up all over the floor after eating his food. 

Despite my bout of illness I stepped on the scale for the first time in almost a week and I discovered that I weigh 128.8.  Great! 

I think what I really need to do know is to do my Beth Moore Bible Study so I can get my day back on the right track.

“You have not kept the command which the Lord your God gave you.  It was at this time that the Lord would have permanently established your rein over Israel” 1 Samuel 13:13
A lot can go through your head while you’re waiting.  What are some of the thought that have bombarded you during your latest waiting experiences?

Darryl and I had to live apart for most of the last school year.  We both decided that he should take the job in Texas and I would finish out my school year at Rome. 

At first I was excited about the prospect of moving but once Darryl moved I was vacillating between should I stay or should I go.  This is not to say I wondered if I should leave my husband.  I didn't have any doubts that we should stay together.  I worried about leaving the school where I had taught for the past seven years and “retire” to a life as a stay-at-home housewife.

Funny how the very thought of it was overwhelming considering how many years I desperately wanted to be a housewife.  How was I going to make friends?  What kind of volunteer work would I do?  When would I get to see the grand-kids since I would be moving even further from home?
I've decided to put it all in God’s hands and he will help lead me down the path I was meant to take.

What do you think God is most wanting to purge out of us when He forces us to wait on Him?

I HATE waiting!  It makes me feel uncomfortable and in weak moments, doubt rears its ugly head Impatience is a form of laziness. In order for God’s promises to be fulfilled in my life, I need to demonstrate both faith and patience. God is showing me how to not just to wait but also to watch, to keep my eyes on Him and watch Him do something even better than what I was praying for.

People Pleasers - A Heart Like His

Today's Bible Study from Beth Moore's David involves the topic of people pleasing.  Sadly I have been a slave to this debilitating condition.  

But some scoundrels said, “How can this fellow save us?” They despised him and brought him no gifts. But Saul kept silent. 1 Samuel 10:27

How has God been transforming you from a person always wanting to be liked and accepted into someone who simply wants to be obedient to the Lord, whatever the cost? 

Learning to get past the need for being liked and accepted is part of my personal journey.  In the past I put far more value in the opinions of others than being obedient to the Lord.  It is important to do what God wants, which may not necessarily be what people expect of us and this can cause people pleasers like myself to make poor choices when trying to please the wrong master.   

It's more important to concentrate on what God commands me to do, than it is to worry about outward appearances.  Obviously, there are times when the opinions of others are part of the plan of God for my life.  This is why it’s important that I seek counsel from godly men and women and not popular culture or people who are trying to mold me into their world view.

What are the most debilitating results of people pleasing?  What has this desire caused you to do (or not to do) in the past?

People pleasers like me try desperately to do the impossible, make everyone happy. In fact no one is happy - including me. I try to avoid anger and confrontation so I will attempt to “kill others with kindness” as self-defense camouflage.  In a way I use this behavior as an attempt to control the situation and helping me avoid negative outcomes.

I realize that this form of defense is rooted in my poor self-esteem which in turn is from the physical, emotional and verbal abuse I was subjected to growing up.  As an adult I have felt the need to be accepted by others. And not just a general acceptance, but that of each person I come in contact with.  Think about how CRAZY this is!

You see the problem is that as a practicing people pleaser, I allowed myself to get beat up by the world around me, I would come home each day in a state of despair 

Self-Centeredness In Disguise - A Heart Like His

Last weekend was yet another in a series of 12 hour drives from Texas to Georgia trying to finish emptying the house. I grab small snatches of sleep as the truck bounces along but when we arrive I’m desperate for some sleep.

Darryl and I had decided to read the book Minutes In Hell: One Man's Story About What He Saw, Heard, and Felt in that Place of Torment by Bill Wiese on our journey back to Georgia. The book is claimed to be non-fiction and recounts the author's alleged 23-minute-long experience in hell in 1998. This turned out to be a bad decision as I will recount shortly.

The high point on the trip was stopping at Hooters and having wings and chocolate cake, I say high point but that quickly changed to low point as I felt as if I ate too much.

Once we arrived all I wanted to do was fall asleep but I was so over-tired that I couldn’t the searing flames of hell, the total isolation, the putrid and rotting stench, deafening screams of agony, and the terrorizing demons that await me if I don’t do something about my life.

I tossed and turned and turned and tossed until finally streams of morning light invaded the darkness of the room. I was absolutely exhausted but the show must go on.

Once the truck was loaded we took Atlas for a walk and began the long trip home. I try to finish reading the book May God Have Mercy: A True Story of Crime and Punishment by John C. Tucker. That particular case has always intrigued me because the play it got from the media that we were going to kill an innocent man. Donahue, Geraldo, The Times, ad nauseum all trumpeted that there was NO possible way that Coleman could be the killer. I wrestled with the truth. Was this man an innocent man who was to be put to death simply because his lawyers filed his appeal a day late? Was he guilty as charged? What was the truth?

On May 20, 1992, the Commonwealth of Virginia executed Roger Keith Coleman in the electric chair. As Coleman was strapped into the electric chair, he made one final declaration. "An innocent man is going to be murdered tonight," he said. "When my innocence is proven, I hope America will realize the injustice of the death penalty as all other civilized countries have."

In 2006, Virginia Governor Mark Warner announced that the state had re-examined DNA evidence had conclusively proven Coleman's guilt. In the light of these findings it was interesting to hear from an author who was convinced that the death penalty had been improperly administered in light of the DNA findings.

We arrived home Sunday shortly before midnight and I fell into a blissfully sound sleep. This did not mean that I felt rested. I dragged through the updates about James Holmes who was arraigned today.

During the court session, Holmes appeared sedated. His eyes appeared to have a blank stare as though the 24-year-old was not coherent and unaware of his surroundings. He did not say a word during the proceedings.

The judge informed Holmes that he will be kept in custody on a no-bail hold due to the egregious nature of the crimes he's been accused of committing.

Homes was informed he will be kept in custody on a “no-bail hold” due to the nature of the crimes he’s been accused of committing. James is also forbidden from contacting any of the victims or their families.

Today I finally feel up to continuing my Beth Moore Bible study about David 90 Days With A Heart Like His.

Then Samuel said Notice that the reserved piece is set before you. Eat it because it was saved for you for this solemn event at the time I said “I’ve invited the people.” So Saul ate with Samuel that day (1 Samuel 9:24)

How do you commonly react when someone pays you a compliment or gives you some kind of recognition for your efforts?

When I receive compliments or recognition I often discount the compliment by suggesting that it was nothing or that someone else could have done it better. Sometimes I do this in a sarcastic manner or insisting that the person who paid me the compliment didn’t mean what they said.

I really have a very difficult time accepting a compliment because I always compare my achievements to others.

What are the root causes behind your answer? Are there any similarities of heart in the person who responds with shy inferiority and the one who puffs up with obvious pride?

The root cause lies in my insecurities and low self-esteem. The problem is that self-centeredness is often disguised as self-pity. Self-anything is self-centeredness. Any attitude that causes the focus to be on me is self-centeredness.

Putting God In A Box - A Heart Like His

Today is Darryl's birthday and because we are still adrift in a sea of boxes we won't be doing anything special.  I do plan to go out later today to buy a balloon and a cupcake for his birthday, 

As I mentioned the other day in addition to doing this David - A Heart Like His Bible study, Darryl and I are doing the Love Dare.  Yesterday's dare was to buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."

We both agreed that the sum of $1 should be the largest amount that either of us spend.  This amount would be a token and not a full representation of the love we share.  By agreeing on the amount we would not be in competition as to who got the nicer gift and who spent more. 

I bought Darryl a Mega Millions Lottery ticket and told him that he was one in 176 million (the odds of winning) and that I prized his love far above the value of the $28 million jackpot because he is priceless. 

In keeping with the $1 limit I also snagged him a half gallon of International Delight ice coffee which I had won from a Facebook contest so it was FREE.

In return I received an ice cream cone from Burger King.  We had heard an advertisement on the radio the other night saying that all summer long you could get a cone from Burger King for only 50 cents.  Well that was wrong because we were told that cones were $1 at our local Burger King.  Perhaps it was only valid at some locations.  I really appreciated and enjoyed my cone so on to today's challenge.

Today's love dare is to contact your spouse sometime during the business day and ask how are they doing and if there is anything you can do for them.  I've sent Darryl several emails related to his birthday which is today.  I'm getting ready to send him an email asking if there is anything I can do for him.

Now on to Beth Moore's David - 90 Days With A Heart Like His.

“Take the ark of the LORD, place it on the cart, and put the gold objects in a box beside it, which you’re sending him as a guilt offering.  Send it off and let it go its way.” (1 Samuel 6:8)

What are some of your hardest questions when it comes to discerning God’s will?  In fact is there something that’s presenting a huge mystery to you right now?

When you are used to calling ALL the shots it can be hard to pause to listen for God’s direction. It is easy to misuse the free will that GOD gave us and slip into the pattern of thinking “My will be done.”  How can I know that I am truly following God’s will and not my own?  This question can be difficult when the only voice you are used to following is your own. 

Saint Augustine said "Love God and [then] do what you will." In other words, if you truly love God and his will, then doing what you will, will, in fact, be doing what God wills.  This means that we should allow God to write the story of our lives with the pen strokes of our own free choices.

The Bible is full of stories in which God’s guidance comes, not by word or vision, but through circumstances. We often don’t realize the guiding hand of the Holy Spirit until we look back in retrospect. But, later on, we see how God wove events together to accomplish his will in our lives. 

I've wanted to be a stay-at-home wife for so long and now I have the opportunity to do just that.  I wonder if I've dug my heels in for so long that I wonder if I've convinced myself that was what I truly want and not what God requires of me.  I feel that God wants me back in the classroom.  I felt my heart tug when I went passed a local high school for vocational students.  I haven't said anything to my husband yet but I am thinking about taking the test to get a license.

What are one or two things you've learned about getting direction from God?

 When you use your free will apart from God you rely on your own limited ability to gather the information, to consider the options and make your best guess at the outcomes. In a real sense, it is just that, a guess. For no one can know future or all the factors that will matter.

When you trust God, it involves less deciding and more following – following the one who is all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful.

Will you trust yourself and what you can discern and achieve (despite your obvious limitations)? Or, will you trust God for all that he has for you, with his infinite love and wisdom?  

Warrior Artist - A Heart Like His

I've begun obsessing with my weight again.  I brought the scale home from the camper last night and I saw that I weighed 128.9 lbs this morning.  I know this sounds crazy but I wonder if I’ll see 125 again.  I realize that’s only three pounds but I just seem to hover around the weight.  Admittedly I’m not overweight but I felt I looked better at 125 so I guess I have to get my butt in gear.  In the big scheme of things four or five pounds are not a game breaker. 

I guess I feel guilty because I at a bag of chips and four chicken fajitas the other day so I’m beating myself up for doing such a stupid thing.  Today I had thought about going to Burger King for an original chicken sandwich.  Fortunately I checked the weight watchers points and learned that just the sandwich was 17 points.  OMG!!!!  I am only allowed 19 points so I would not be allowed to eat ANYTHING else today.  I guess I won’t be using that coupon. 

Believe it or not a Whopper Jr with no cheese is only nine points and a soft serve cone is only four points. 

Yesterday was Darryl’s birthday.  I got him a happy birthday balloon, a card, and some cake.  Darryl doesn’t like making a big deal about his birthday like I do. 

Our Love Dare yesterday was to contact each other sometime during the business of the day.  We are to have no agenda other than asking how our spouse is doing and if there I anything we can do for our spouse. 

I emailed Darryl several times throughout the day with little love notes and asked what I could do for him on his birthday.  I helped him unload more of the truck and he helped me move some boxes. 

Now for today’s My David 90 Days With A Heart Like His Bible study by Beth Moore.

I have seen a son of Jesse of Bethlehem who knows how to play the harp.  He is also a valiant man, a warrior, eloquent, handsome, and the Lord is with him (1 Samuel 16:18)

Have you ever felt like Saul—threatened by someone like David who seemed to have so much of God invested in him?  What puts us off about people like that?

The reoccurring theme of my life is that I feel threatened by others.  Are they prettier than me?  Are they smarter, thinner, more educated and the list goes on.  I fell as thought I was captive to the expectations of others.  While I understand that in all the world has never been and never will be anyone else like me, I’m not so certain that it’s such a great being me.

I need to learn to acknowledge that my uniqueness is God’s gift to me, and uniqueness is my gift to God.  Every past experience is preparation for some future opportunity.  God has designed me for a specific person. There is nothing God cannot do in my and through me if I simply yield my life to Him. 

I need to acknowledge that GOD is crafting my character through the circumstances of my life. To see myself as anything other than God’s masterpiece is to devalue and distort my true identity. At the end of the day, God isn’t going to ask, “Why weren’t you more like this person or that?” God is going to ask, “Why weren’t didn’t you use the gifts and talents I gave you?”

Would you describe yourself as more strong than tender, or more tender than strong?  What are the greatest dangers of getting out of balance in either direction?

I would describe myself as more tender than tough.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and so I can be easily hurt.  If you asked others they may describe my tenacity as my tough side that helped me overcome the obstacles in my way.

All Too Superstitious - A Heart Lke His

Today's Bible study from David 90 Days With  Heart Like His is timely or me.  I will admit that I have prayed or earthly rewards like a spouse or a new job.  I need to be more conscious about the purpose of my prayers.  It is OK to tell God how much I need him.  It's OK to tell God that I feel like I'm in a situation that I can' handle on my own and communicate that I need him.

When the ark of the covenant of the Lord entered the camp all the Israelites raised such a loud shout that the ground shook.  (1 Samuel 4:5)

In what ways do we well-meaning Christians, sometimes use our faith like a good-luck charm, thinking that if we handle it just right, it will grant our wishes?

It’s easy to fall into the promise that God will grant our prayers if we just pray in faith.  We want to believe that you will receive everything you ask for if we pray long enough or loudly enough. But God does require something on our part: obedience.

When our prayers are for self-centered purposes, we are not praying the way Christ taught us to pray. We are not praying in God's will; we are only seeking what we want, what we think is best.

It is important that we pray with a penitent and obedient heart, not a list of demands for our personal riches and happiness.  God is not some supernatural Santa Claus, just waiting for us to present Him with our "wish list.” Throughout the Bible God makes it clear that obedience is the key to receiving God's blessings.   

 What’s the real danger in this?  How have you seen this cause other people’s expectations of God (or perhaps even your own expectations of Him) to stray from biblical truths?

The real danger is that He will not hear or answer our prayer. God will not be mocked. He wants His children to draw near to Him in prayer, but we have to do it His way, not ours.

The prosperity philosophy leads people’s expectations of God to stray from biblical truths.  Instead of seeing Him to be GOD, they try to make Him into a fairy godmother who seeks to grant our every wish.  We need to acknowledge that we have access to God because of his grace through his Son, not because we deserve it. Our relationship with him, our ability to pray and have God hear us, is completely dependent on God’s mercy and love.

A balanced prayer life includes praise, thanksgiving, listening, and confession; it is NOT sending God a to-do list. God will NOT always make things go your way. God is more interested in changing us to be a reflection of Christ than He is with solving all of our problems.  

When Role Models Go Bad - A Heart Lke His

This was an incredibly hectic weekend.  We had to go back to Rome and get the refrigerator, the freezer, the washer and the dryer.  Trust me that’s a long trips and we didn’t get a lot of sleep the night before because we went to a seminar called “We Still Kiss.”

When we arrived at our old house, I vacuumed and packed a few more boxes.  I had hoped that this would be the end of it but it appears that we have to make one more trip. 

We arrived home at almost 11 o’clock at night.  Trust me I was extremely tired.  This did not mean that I skipped my Bible study.  Instead I wrote down my notes in order to elaborate at a later time.

Eli’s sons were wicked men; they had no regard for the Lord…by contrast, the boy Samuel continued to grow in stature and in favor with the LORD and with men (1 Samuel 2:12, 26)

“The word of the LORD was rare” during these days in Israelite history (1 Samuel 3:1).  What can you do when the people around you are not listening for His voice?

I think the most effective thing you can do when the people around you are not listening to His voice is to pray.  I do not mean that you should pray that they change their mind in order to agree with you.  I am talking about asking God to open their hearts and soul to hear His words and apply His truths to their lives. 

When Christ comes into your life and you become a Christian, God gives you the resources to be a different kind of person. I believe that sharing our faith is the #1 most important task of Christ's followers.  When you do this, your example may bring others to come to God.

Have you been let down by some of your role models and authority figures?  How has this affected your relationship with Christ and your outlook on life?

I think we have all been let down by role models and authority figures.  People can inspire us but we can’t put our faith in them.  They will let you down and disappoint you. Our inspiration should come from Christ. It is only through Him that our faith can by renewed.

The Psalmist writes that we are role models when we proclaim God to be the place where we go when we face challenges in our life.  We can always go to God and he will be our strength in times of trouble.  When we place our faith in God for everything we begin to live thankfully and gratefully.